Strunk Over The Head

The only things more fantastic than this article are the poor writing skills involved in its construction:

Walking-Stick Wielding Passer By Stops Samurai Sword Attack (By Paul Stokes)

David Fawcett, 60, was with two younger friends when the confrontation took place at a busy takeaway pizzeria around midnight.
As they approached the shop they noticed a man urinating outside and Elaine Layton, 26, one of the group, asked him to stop.
The man produced a bottle of beer and smashed her hand with it three times before Mr Fawcett managed to intervene and he ran of saying he was going to get a sword to kill them.

Not content with run-on sentences and use of "of" instead of "off," the author continues to abuse the english language as the piece goes on, noting that Mr. Fawcett strikes a "lusty blow" over the head of his attacker.

Lusty blow? Someone has watched far too many episodes of Fawlty Towers.

Oh, the horror. Mr. Stokes, please pick up an edition of Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. We'll all be glad you did--because then we can enjoy the story of the old man fending off his samurai-sword wielding attacker with his cane without being distracted by your failure to grasp a writing style.